Gay? Why do we care?

On the first radio show I did to promote my new book NOT TOO COCKSURE, in which part of the storyline revolves around the outing of a Hollywood star and the ramifications for both the person doing the outing and the star himself, the interviewer asked me: Why do we care who’s gay?

Well the radio host may not but plenty celebrity fans do care. Just ask Jack Falahee, the breakout star of HOW TO GET AWAY WITH MURDER, who’s gay character’s explicit sex scenes have many tongues wagging and begging the question: How could do those scenes and be that good an actor without being gay? Well, the truth is we don’t know because he isn’t telling. And good for him! Because, as he says, people don’t ask those playing straight characters about their sex lives. So why should he discuss his sex life. Fair enough.

But the “Is he or isn’t he?” question hangs over Hollywood less like a dark cloud and more like a glitter ball at a disco waiting for a proclamation and a party. People want to know more than ever. Let’s face it, gay people are fabulous! They do your hair, they design your wardrobe, they decorate your houses and yes, get your hearts racing on the big and small screens. And the more we think we can reach out and touch a celebrity through social media, the more we want Neil Patrick Harris to be our gay BFF.

There are plenty of people who are gay in Hollywood. People still shutter when I tell them Raymond Burr, Perry Mason/Ironsides, was gay and that Will Geer, Grandpa Walton, was not just gay but a gay activist. Still others are gay but didn’t feel the need to come out per se such as Victor Garber, Alias, and Jim Parsons, The Big Bang Theory. Everyone knows they are gay and just simply just waited for the masses to figure it out. Others take a lifetime for such a declaration such as the recent coming out of Joel Grey.

Why did it take Joel Grey so long to come out? He says he feared it would hurt his career. Do we really think the viewing audience thinks all gay people are Rock Hudson on screen and Liberace at home? Some do because some are…so be it, different strokes for different folks. So the same career fears were stated by Wentworth Miller, who fell out of acting for the most part after making a splash in the series Prison Break, and Rupert Everett who has famously said that being gay has ruined his career. Hmmmm? Ruined? I have even known the “people” behind the stars who work feverishly to contain the gay rumors such as in the early days of Sean Hayes’, of Will and Grace fame, career when his publicist would vehemently deny his being gay. Did anyone ever think he was straight? And I dare say it made his career rather than hurt it.

It certainly hasn’t hurt the likes of the aforementioned Neil Patrick Harris who seems to be never more successful than today: out, proud and married. And in fact coming out has even resurrected some careers. Take George Takei, Mr. Sulu from Star Trek, who probably would have fallen into the world of celebrity fan conventions and relative obscurity had he not become a gay activist.

But what is the point of coming out? We still need role models. We need to let the distraught kids in the fly over states who angst about the inevitable that it will get better. We need people like Jack Falahee who can say that a gay character simply represents society and not a gay agenda by a gay actor. We need the Neil Patrick Harris talents who can play a horny straight may on a sitcom and go home to their husbands. We need the survivors like Joel Grey and George Takei to give perspective and Jim Parsons to give nonchalance. It seems that being gay is more of an interest the more interesting a person you are. Are you interesting enough to come out?

But the truth is, people don’t need to come out they just need to be and perhaps that is the new lesson of Hollywood.